Tuesday, 17 April 2018 13:18

I Just Realised I Am Not Gangster Enough

Written by

Prior to launching my website I was really low on funds, and had to micro-manage my last few bucks if I wanted for it to come to live.

The website is supposed to be my moneymaker, and I was hustling to see it through. Hustling is about getting out there and facing great fears, it’s about defying the odds and grabbing opportunities however and wherever they may be, because to survive you got to find a way of doing your ‘thing’, and the website, was my way of ‘doing ma thing’. It felt daring and all but it was at the very final moments I realized. . . I wasn’t gangster enough.

I wanted to run from it all. Doubt, fear, cowardice, call it what you want, I had them all, the insecurities were bludgeoning my brain from all angles. I had doubts I could make it with this one shot (metaphorically speaking, no guns I promise), as a great respecter of the black American hustle culture I was a wuss in the face of real struggle. My waking hours, my sleeping hours, and when I took strolls was plagued by this fear of things going wrong. My mind was later on like “dude chill, we will get it next time, no need to put ourselves in a precarious situation, we always get a writing job when we look, right?” So I hesitated.

Not for long though, a foolish enough person like me always partake in the precarious.

What I needed basically was internet data, lots of it, and it doesn’t come cheap. So I had to manage and be very careful what I do online, except I did the exact opposite. The problem was from the way I was building the website, my method was mostly experimental, and at times I have no inkling what I was doing, like 50% of the time. Just testing stuff out till they work which means I consume more internet data dabbling all over the net than doing actual web building.

So I kind of have an excuse to be afraid to venture into something that will suck my data dry and leave me hanging in case work comes, because then I would be in a real pinch, not able to check my email, or pitch potential clients and/or accept proposals. Point is, if things go south, I am good as dead (things actually did go south later on).

The Eat or be Eaten Policy

Out there, is a big freaking ocean, and everyone’s a shark, it is either you are predator or prey once you join the business world, because the competition is real. You can feel the tense pressure to succeed in as short amount of time as is possible.

Especially as a new startup, you got to be on your toes 24 hours a day, 8 days a week. So you can understand, I was vividly scared to lose my backup just because I want to make it big.

I Took the Leap

I mean what could be the worst that can happen, a little depression and staying out of work for eternity is not that bad a price. After all the fears, the fretting and nightmares I took the leap.

Three weeks into building my website, I announced to my friends Young Emirates is about to be launched, after a few delays and re-building it almost entirely from scratch I finally launched, it was in July, and it made me happy.

There was a bit of excitement from my WhatsApp contacts and Facebook friends, I got some ‘congrats’ along the way and you know all the usual stuff. I remember making my Indomie noodles extra special that night, and celebrating it with none other than me myself. . . it was ecstatic.

In the End I Survived

For a moment things went horribly wrong, my internet data depleted and the work funnel dried up, but it was only for a while. I don’t remember the exact details how I recovered but I somehow did in the end.

Some friend of mine on Facebook was like ‘congrats hero, we need more of this’, No you don’t, apparently there is no known cure for stage-ten fright.

Pushing on without fear is gangster, granted, but doing what has to be done despite the fears, I think is totally badass. And on that highly optimistic note, this post comes to a happy end, have a nice day.

 

Read 599 times Last modified on Saturday, 22 June 2019 19:33
Hafiz Mukhtar Mahmud

Hafiz is a young Muslim blogger and freelance writer, born ‘93 in Bauchi. He loves creativity and has a fondness for smart tech, entrepreneurship, innovation, eco-friendliness, and design. You can scrutinize his selfies on Instagram @reallyhafiz